I have been spending the last few days making hats. I started off making a couple for myself and then expanded out to making one for my friend’s mom out in Colorado, then I made one for the friend in Colorado and now I am working on a red hat for my mum. My mum looks fabulous in red, so I thought she needed to have a red hat. The next hat I’m going to make is for my step-father Gary. I think he needs a hat too, because he lives up north with it is awfully cold and who wants to have a cold head?
All my life, I have wanted to take care of everyone around me, even if it meant not taking the greatest care of myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love taking care of people. I believe God made me with a big enough heart to care for everyone around me. I wanted to comfort everyone. I wanted to make sure that everyone around me was A-OK.
There were times that I felt like I was the only one who could take care of things that were happening in my family and friend’s lives. I wanted to be there for anyone who needed me. I thought this is what God had made me to do. (I do know that it is irrational to think I could take care of everyone, but I was young then.)
If I wasn’t there to help them, what good was I doing? I was filled with anxiety and fear that I would lose someone close to me. Haven’t we all felt that anxiety? I know I filled my family and friends with that anxiety when I got sick. I still have that fear, especially now that my family is spread all over the United States. When the fear becomes more than I can handle, I turn to the Lord for help.
I think my anxiety and fear sometimes cripples me because I am terrified of losing those I care about. I know that each one of us has and end of our life here on earth and then we get to move in with our Father in heaven. But, I am not ready to think about the end.
I was there when my Grandmother passed away in the nursing home. I am grateful that I got to be with her when she went home to be with God. However, I don’t want anyone to go home to God right now. After dealing with my own cancer and my brother-in-law’s cancer, I know that our lives are fragile and that we all need to be ready to go home to God and I pray that everyone I know, is a believer and has given their heart to God.
I now know that God still wants me to take care of those around me but, I don’t need to do it alone. God is here to help you and to help me. God has shown me that I need to focus on my own health. God and I have been through a lot with my own health and I know that he wants me to take care of myself, and sometimes that means that I need to take care of me first. If I don’t take care of me first, how can I help others?
I still want to help everyone with everything that is going on, if they need me too. The most powerful thing that I can offer to do for you is to pray for you. If you find yourself filled with anxiety, ask God to take it from you. He will give you the comfort you need.
Psalm 46:1-2 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountain fall into the heart of the sea.
I still am asking that you pray for my family and for myself. I haven’t been feeling that well over the past couple of days. I am dealing with a lot of pain. I thank you for your continuing prayers and if I can pray for you, please let me know.
I pray that you have a blessed Monday.