This blog post is dedicated to the people in my life who need this, you know who you are…
I was just taking a shower when God gave me a nudge. He lets me know what I need to write and when it needs to be written.
Here it is 10:30pm here in Texas and I just got a shower. I am not one to take showers at night but I slept most of the day because my pain was out of control. I am just learning even after all these years of being in pain and tossing my cookies a couple of times a week, that it is okay to not feel guilty when you need rest. Just rest, I promise no one who loves you will hold it against you, and if they do, send them my way. I will straighten them out.
The reason for my post tonight has to do with the thoughts that run through my head because I am sick. I am forever asking Nick to forgive me. I tell him I am sorry for being sick all the time. He always tells me that I have nothing to be sorry for but he understands the need for me to say I am sorry. It’s okay for you to tell those around you, that you are sorry for being sick, but please take this to heart, YOU did NOTHING to deserve to be sick. Sickness happens.
When I came out of the coma, all I could think about was “what did I do to deserve this illness?” “God must be mad at me to give me this illness.” I now know that I did nothing to deserve this. Again, sickness happens.
I know when I get to heaven, God will agree with me. He didn’t give me this illness, it is one of those things that just is. God loves each and every one of us. He wants us to love him as he loves us and when we do screw up, he just wants us to ask him to forgive us. That’s it. God wouldn’t give us the illnesses that we face, but when they do happen we just need to give it all to him. I do know how hard that is. Believe me, I do know. Each time I take back my worry and I start to fret, God will nudge me to give it back to him.
My poor Nick also has to deal with me thinking I am a burden. He tells me that I am not, but he works and the doctor won’t let me go back to work so there are moments when I feel like I am such a burden to him. If I sit down and think about it, I do work in our home and that takes pressure off him when he is home, so truly I am not a burden to those who love me. There are times, when I need to take care of my Nick, say if he is sick, who will he turn to? Me of course. No one is truly a burden on those who love us. We have taken care of them in their time of need, so let those who love you take care of you in your time of need.
It may sound strange but life is a series of give and take between family members and friends. When I am sick, I turn to Nick, my mom, my family and my friends and they all know if they find themselves in need, they can always come to me. God wants us to treat others as we want to be treated and when we are sick, it is a lesson that we all need to understand. When you love someone, their health and wellbeing become my health and wellbeing. I am forever asking my Nick to come to the gym with me because I want to make sure his health stays good. And just ask my bestie Emily. I like to drag her to the gym to make sure her health and wellbeing is taken care of.
Sometimes, I feel so stupid for just sitting here and crying but it helps me release my pent up feelings. Tears are God’s way of washing us on the inside. It’s okay to let it out. God will take everything you want to give him. One of the things that I learned a long time ago, it is okay to be angry. God took my anger and I am still his child. We are made in God’s likeness but we are human and it is okay to be mad at him. He doesn’t ever want us to walk away from him but it is okay to let him know you are mad. Those are the feelings that God takes away from us when he washes us with our tears. Give him your fears, your anger and anything you need to give to him. He is strong enough to carry us.
God gave us family and friends to help each other out. When God created Adam, he created Eve so that Adam would not be alone and they could take care of each other.
Please lean on your family and friends. And, me too. I am here even though I am so far away. I am here.
To my family and friends who are receiving this through others that I have asked to show you this, I am praying for you. You are in my thought, my heart and my prayers. God loves you and he is ready to hold your fears. Let him carry you for a while. God is strong enough to carry us.
I’m sorry this got a bit rambling but my mind is all over right now.
To my Family, I love you with every ounce of my being. I am praying for you day and night.
To my Friends, I love you all with every ounce of my being and I am praying for you also.
To my Readers, I love you all too. I love hearing from you. If you need prayer, please let me know. Drop me an email.
I pray you are blessed with happiness, health and love,